Things For Flutists to Do When They're Bored 1. Pull out or push in so much that you're either a half step sharp or flat. Then tell everyone you invented a new key of the flute. 2. If you have an open hole flute, play only covering the holes half way. 3. Finger really low C and try to get the altissimo (the really high) C out. 4. Try to figure out a trill fingering for the really high C to the really high D, on a piccolo 5. Blow through your flute with all the holes closed and pretend you're Darth Vadar 6. If you're 1st Chair, start talking in German or Russian and kick everyone out of the section 7. If you're not 1st Chair, make a list of atrocities and a declaration of independance, rally support from other flutists, and attempt a hostile takeover of your section. 8. Listen to a recording of a professional flutist and search for a small mistake. Then make a 90 min. tape of just that mistake, over and over again. 9. Also if you're 1st Chair, come into a song 3 measures early and laugh at the people who follow you. (That would be pretty funny!!) 10. Count your rests out loud while performing a solo. 11. When someone calls you a flutist, correct them and say you are a "flautist". Then when they call you a flautist, say the correct term is "flutist". Keep this up with the same person for a year. 12. Finger low D on a piccolo, cover the hole with your pinkie, then suck all the air out. Take all your fingers off except your pinkie....the keys stay down! (Well, now you're stuck with a piccolo attached to your tongue--press the Ab key to open the vacuum) 13. Play your flute into a box fan. 14. Find the most beautiful song you can, and add three flats (or remove 3 sharps)

Trombonists and Trumpet Players Three Trombonists and three Trumpet players are travelling by train through Europe on a brass choir tour. At the station, the Trumpeter players each buy tickets and watch as the three Trombonists buy only a single ticket among them. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Trumpet player. "Watch and you'll see," answers the Trombonist. They all board the train. The Trumpet players take their respective seats but all three Trombonists cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Trumpet players saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the performance, the Trumpet players decided to copy the Trombonists (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Trombonists don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Trumpet player. "Watch and you'll see," answers a Trombonist. When they board the train the three Trumpet players quickly cram into one restroom, and then the Trombonists quickly cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Trombonists leaves their restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Trumpet players are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please....."